The Ultimate Disclaimer
     
 

DISCLAIMER

Void where prohibited. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use
only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a
motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense
for some viewers. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. If condition persists,
consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before
date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Breaking seal constitutes your
acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all.
Handing someone a propane tank will be considered passing gas. Expectoration prohibited.
Many suitcases look alike; please check tickets. U.S. Government does not warrant or
assume any legal liability or responsibility for the accuracy, completeness, or
usefulness of any information, apparatus, product, or process disclosed. Colors may,
in time, fade. Any judgements you make will be based on the information you have
provided you about yourself, which is probably vague, incomplete or embellished. We
have sent the forms which seem right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use
only. Bandwidth theft prohibited. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Drop
in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool. For best results process promptly.
Post office will not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing.
A defective gecko may be a reptile dysfunction. Harbormaster must approve all dockage.
Enlarged to show texture. Do not breathe vapors. Open other end.
Poetry not accepted.
Shock hazard. Do not use in an area where moisture is present. Quick, pull my finger.
Stop that or you'll go blind, or at least you'll need glasses. All pets must be on a leash.
Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from
any defect, error or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Recording prohibited.
Penalty for private use. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Check with your
doctor immediately if you think that you may be pregnant. Do not write below this
line. Falling rock zone. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your canceled check is your
receipt. Add toner. Place stamp here. Avoid contact with skin. Just add water. No passes.
Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is properly stowed. Slightly higher
west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of
dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time
offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. Call now for
your prize winnings. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase necessary.
Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Shading within a garment may
occur. Use only in a well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flames. Don't play
on or around. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more.
Check here if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not
include taxes. No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children. Prerecorded for this
time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. No alcohol, dogs or
horses. Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. First
pull up, then pull down. Call toll free before digging. Driver does not carry cash.
Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes
only. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. Do not fold, spindle
or mutilate. No transfers issued until the bus comes to a complete stop. Package
sold by weight, not volume. Your mileage may vary. This article does not reflect the
thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, my friends, or my late pet
iguana Earl. Caution, wide turns. Don't quote me on that; I'll deny I said it. All rights
reserved. You may distribute this article freely as long as my name stays on it but
you may not make a profit from it without talking to me first. Terms are subject to
change without notice. Parental advisory -- explicit lyrics. Illustrations are
slightly enlarged to show detail. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead,
is unintentional and purely coincidental. Do not remove this disclaimer under
penalty of law. Hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat. Objects in mirror are closer
than they appear. No substitutions allowed. If you can't see my mirrors, I cannot
see you. For a limited time only. This article is void where prohibited, taxed, or
otherwise restricted. Caveat emptor. Article is provided "as is" without any
warrantees. Reader assumes full responsibility. An equal opportunity article. No
shoes, no shirt, no service. Quantities are limited, while supplies last. If any
defects are discovered, do not attempt to read them yourself, but return to an
authorized service center. Read at your own risk. Text may contain explicit
materials some readers may find objectionable, parental guidance is advised.
Keep right except to pass. Erections lasting longer than four hours should receive
immediate medical attention. Close cover before striking match. Watch for trains.
Traffic fines doubled in construction zones. Shut off motor - No Smoking. Do Not
Feed The Animals. May contain peanuts or milk products. Do not immerse in
water. All employees must wash hands before returning to work. Caution: this
locomotive may start at any time. Avoid contact with food and food utensils. Do
not store or use near heat, sparks or open flame. Insert in orifice only for which
intended. Avoid contact with eyes and prolonged or repeated contact with skin.
May conduct electricity; never place directly on electrical equipment. Harmful
if swallowed. Subject to Customer Agreement and credit approval. Dealer
participation may affect actual payment. May cause spontaneous hula dancing.
Withdrawal symptoms may occur when stopped suddenly after being used daily
for a long time. Our advisors receive no commissions; they are compensated
through a salary plus incentive program. Allergic reactions may include hives,
difficulty breathing, wheezing and rash. Enter at your own risk. Do not run with
scissors. All screen images are simulated. This website may affect certain hormones.
No standard monitoring is required. It’s all fun and games until someone loses
an eye. If you need to send or receive a call or text, wait until you’ve reached
your destination. Wait until your father gets home. You must be this tall to enter
this ride. If blurred vision occurs, flush eyes with water. Don’t make me stop
this car. Do not place head through towel loop. No lifeguard on duty. Contents
may explode if heated. Door must remain unlocked during business hours. Wear
protective eyewear when using. Santa Claus is keeping a list. No refunds without
receipt. For topical use only; do not take internally. Laughter is the best medicine.
Ignorance is no excuse. Please step to the rear of the elevator. Stop, drop and roll.
Small parts may present a choking hazard. Gesticulation strictly prohibited. Keep
children with you. Nudity not permitted on this beach. Zero trans fats. This is only
a test. No animals were harmed in the production of this website.
Can we chew gum?
Do chickens have lips? Watch for animals. No right turn on red. Come home when
the streetlights go on. Look, there's a spider on the wall! Ask for senior discount.
Is it unlawful to yell "theater" at a fire? Olly olly oxen free. Where did I put my keys?
Beggars can't be choosers....however, they can be a pain in the butt. That dog
won't hunt. Processed in a facility where nuts are present. Paper or plastic?
We're not selling anything - this is only a survey. Don't try to blame that on the dog.
Privacy Notice: The contents herein are intended solely for the intended recipient.
If you are not the intended recipient, who are you? My invisible friend did it.
You may distribute this message freely but you may not make a profit from it.
Terms are subject to change without notice; this message has not been safety tested
for children under the age of 3. Past performance does not predict future results
and people can and do lose money. If any defects are discovered, do not attempt to
read them yourself, but return to an authorized service center; read at your own risk.
 Safety goggles may be required during use; sealed for your protection, do not read if
safety seal is broken. Apology does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado,
tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes and other Acts of God, neglect, damage
from improper reading, incorrect line voltage, improper or unauthorized reading, broken antenna
or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts,
sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to
an airplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the item, falling
rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be
limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB's, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays,
Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, stones, etc.). May cause random outbursts of extreme violence,
seizures, karaoke singing embarrassment or whatever. Actual message may differ from
illustrations on pages. Smoking this message could be hazardous to your health.
No artificial flavor, MSG  or coloring added. All rights reversed; yes, reversed.
 Do not read this if you are a nurse, stagnant or may become indignant. Do not
drive or make heavy machinery sounds after reading this. Tampering with, mutilating,
destroying or disabling lavatory mirror is a major offense, punishable by ten pounds of
coal in your Christmas stocking. No portion of this website may be read without
the express written consent of Major League Yahtzee. A list of approved animatronic
devices is contained in your personal copy of War and Peace located in the
seatback pocket in front of you. If there is anything our award winning crew
can do to make your visit less enjoyable, feel free to let us know.
Not responsible for anything - expressed, implied, real or imagined.

 



 
   
 

Look, there's a snake in the grass!